it's strange to come to terms with the fact that i am continuously older...every moment i am the oldest i have ever been, and the youngest i will ever be again.
i feel this weird anxious feeling like i need to do something important before i become very old. but then i think--what is "important"? i want to be important to people, and usually when i think on things, i feel like it would be nice to be some famous designer or artist, but at the same time..i don't think i would enjoy it. (i don't think i have the socializing skills haha)
but i was thinking about how one of the most important people to me ever has been my art teacher from my junior and senior year of high school. he really impacted me, i'm pretty sure i cried in his presence a few times and there was no comparison to the inexplicable pride when we were having a critique and he'd say, "i want to talk about this painting" and he'd hold up my painting. he taught more than art, he taught about life. he played music in class and was kind but also enforced his rules (god forbid you don't have your artwork on assignment day, you would hear about it) and it was probably the best, most productive two years of art i ever had. he really looked into who i was as a person and saw what i could do and forced it into the open.
..if this man was that important to me, then why do i have to be famous or do something astounding to be important? yes, i want to write books. i certainly plan to, if someone actually would read what i write. but i think i wouldn't mind doing something like being a teacher. i know the money isn't fabulous, but i know my creative writing teacher writes for the paper sometimes and does extra writing things and does well enough. (i love her quite a lot as well, as could be expected)
i could teach, write books, go paint things for people, sell things i knit and make...and collapse into my grave as a happy old cat lady. sounds great(:
Listening to: never let me go (on eternal repeat)