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daylight wakes me up and i turn into the green moth on the windshield.
a few months ago i would have died to be someone with the same kind of pulse
as you. i wanted to know what it felt like to breathe your same
air and listen to the fabrication of your words, your lies like lists of things
you wanted me to hear, essays crafted to the palaces of my mind.
you knew what i wanted because you know the architecture of so many women—
not seeing my poisonous nature, the blisteringly sweet aftertaste that crumples
you into me again, again, again, each hit better than the last. together
we chase the dragon, needing more and more of each other
to understand what it means to be alone.

being alone is different than screaming into the pillows as sunlight peers through
the blinds, a curious onlooker. i never remembered falling asleep but i always remember
how strange the light looked, and my nightmares before i woke up being crushed
beneath your arm. my neck was sore from being jammed into the corner of the bed
by your body. you got as close to me as you possibly could, i guess.
but i didn’t really mind, i could still wake up a few hours later to the feeling of you
pressing in me, orienting me with the dripping sounds of my moans.

i  used to be so sad that i didn’t know what it felt like to not be in physical pain from it.
i only existed, on strings of thought, vomit, pills, lapses of time, stolen,
shame, regret.  my bruises were blue-grey pieces of cut glass, worn around my legs like
some sparkling geodes, crystals and signs of illness. i regarded my
surroundings as a myriad of bathrooms and plastic bags and trash cans and
showers in which i spewed puke at any point in the day, my hands
shaking, knees quivering. i saw my face in the mirror and realised
that i no longer had a life i could call my own.

you will be turned into something i may keep. fluorescent, smoking, the fire goes out
and i am staring at the tantric circles burned into my flesh, made by the way  
your bloodshot eyes roamed. jesus you whispered, atheist hands
tucked in the front pockets of your jeans. thumbs out, some gesture of confidence.
i could have kissed you, all of your names and faces folding and burning
under my lips. i don’t care who you are anymore, i just want one of you
to take care of me, let me be yours. the wicked scent buried in my pillows
reminds me of the idea of you versus the reality of you. whatever the differences are,
i wish to be something like your scent, something you bury in me. i wouldn’t mind
being your grave, your silence. the end to your means.

you can kill me if you want, and bless my meat for your sweet lips,
knowing what to pair me with and how to taste me for the last time, savour,
letting me linger on your tongue where i belong. the pain of knowing what
you are is the warmest part of me. my body is married to the dirt by nightfall,
covered in milky hairs, a touch like ice.  the river is dark and heavy, pulling
in the back of my head with the tide mesmerizing all of this gravity, memorising me.
the moon very well may end up a brittle grey instrument in my throat. the patch of sky
i can barely see between the trees is a lightless cove, every star hidden in your blank stare.
you could weave constellations in the spilling strands of my organs, pointing out the atrocities,
the faults, the stars i’d die by.
i wanna fuck you like an animal
xo
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-05
*porcelline writes to a dangerous, addictive love in ich liebe dich. ( Suggested by glossolalias and Featured by neurotype )
:iconcrematedman:
CrematedMan Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Student Writer
letting me linger on your tongue where i belong Strong imagery, emotive language, strong piece.
Reply
:icontheandro:
theandro Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
is there a german version? sounds great
Reply
:icongoreypsychochick:
GoreyPsychoChick Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
That was probably the most interesting and descriptive short story that I've ever read in my entire life.
You sir, deserve your Daily Deviation.
Reply
:iconlteasley67:
lteasley67 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013   General Artist
beautiful. quite simply beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:iconsmokysatire:
Smokysatire Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
ich brauche dich
this is beautiful
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ich brauche dich mehr
this is for you, always
Reply
:iconhyperfluxy:
hyperfluxy Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013   Writer
wow..
Reply
:iconichbindespreuben:
IchbindesPreuBen Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sorry if this comment annoys u but is sat about Prussia from hetalia by ze way ich lieberman dich means I love you I no Deustche (German)
Reply
:icongalacticrainbow:
GalacticRainbow Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
powerful words~

amazing write ^^
Reply
:icontana-jo:
TaNa-Jo Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
very good :D But...why is the title in another language? :3
anyway awesome story ^^
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
my lover first told me he loved me in german. that's the name of the title. x
Reply
:icontana-jo:
TaNa-Jo Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
oh thats romatic :3 are u german?
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
no, i am american and he lives in america currently,
but was born in england. he's traveled quite a bit and is fluent in german.
so we have a lot of conversations where he speaks in german or french.
Reply
:icontana-jo:
TaNa-Jo Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
oh interesting :D
Reply
:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Writer
"i don’t care who you are anymore, i just want one of you
to take care of me, let me be yours."
oh god. That was powerful.
Reply
:iconcoriacea:
Coriacea Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
The fierceness of the emotions expressed is breathtaking. This is a very well deserved DD!
Reply
:icondragonlover4ever:
DragonLover4Ever Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely amazing. This really is something beautiful.
Reply
:iconleap-of-faythe:
Leap-of-Faythe Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is sensational. You paint your emotions so clearly in this piece, with beautiful and subtle description. I love it. <33 A well deserved DD! :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013   General Artist
Congratulations on the definitely deserved DD, darling :heart:
Reply
:iconlungburger:
lungburger Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
sounds like a type of stockholm syndrome, falling in love with some kind of abuse.
Reply
:iconminetherzog:
MinetHerzog Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
'u get me closer to god'

its a cool stuff u have written.
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconfractamonium:
Fractamonium Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Professional Interface Designer
Congratulations on your DD. I made it today also. It's my first! Let's hope it won't be our last!
Reply
:iconbloodrosesforall:
BloodRosesForAll Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely prose, although it vaguely reminds me of how I've felt for a certain someone for the past few months.
Not sure how I currently feel about him, anymore, but reading this has reminded me of how I did feel, not too long ago...
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"i used to be so sad that i didn’t know what it felt like to not be in physical pain from it." - this is not a feeling I have ever experienced in my own life, but reading this conveyed it perfectly. Fantastic word use, the way it trips from one image to the next is so effective.
Reply
:iconkthecard:
KtheCard Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Writer
god, this is powerful. slapped me in the face. i fucking love it.
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i'm glad babe
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012   General Artist
You're always beautiful, even in your ugliest, you outdo all those around you. Of this I am certain. :heart:
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are lovely
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012   General Artist
As you are you :heart:
Merry Christmas btw, love :hug:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
your work has been featured here: [link] please go check out the other pieces & have a nice day :heart:
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you love x
Reply
:iconfebruaryblue:
februaryblue Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely beautiful... I have to pick a few lines that are my favorites, or that I relate to the most and put them here:

"Needing more and more of each other / to understand what it means to be alone."
"You got as close to me as you possibly could, I guess."
"I used to be so sad that I didn’t know what it felt like to not be in physical pain from it."

and finally, "The pain of knowing what / you are is the warmest part of me."

This is really a pointless comment, because they speak for themselves... but wow.
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you doll xo
Reply
:icontoxic-nebulae:
toxic-nebulae Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
this is incredible from beginning to end.
I usually prefer succinct poetry (as you can probably tell from my gallery) but this just pulled me in and made me read it through. twice.
really well done.
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconpyro111790:
pyro111790 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
I Love You in german
Reply
:iconsilklilies:
silklilies Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yes
Reply
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